


you got me shot down by love (and you got my heart now)

by bechloehuh, eliseboobman (bechloehuh)



Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: Angst, F/F, and so am i, chloe is sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-25
Updated: 2017-06-25
Packaged: 2018-11-18 18:12:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11296053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bechloehuh/pseuds/bechloehuh, https://archiveofourown.org/users/bechloehuh/pseuds/eliseboobman
Summary: Her arms are around your waist like in your final duet, and she tucks a piece of hair behind your ear and she’s asking you if you need anything.You, you think. I need you.You wonder if it’s still too late. If you can just say it now and get it over with. Surely if Beca didn’t feel the same, she wouldn’t make a huge deal out of it. She’d let you down easy and everything would be okay.Maybe that’s what you’re afraid of.





	you got me shot down by love (and you got my heart now)

**Author's Note:**

> a sad one shot in chloe's pov based on the pitch perfect 3 trailer

_"you've been here before, surrounded in the cold / you take me to places I've never known / and you push me to places I'll never go / I would die for you / tell me the truth / am I all that you would need? / if we're keeping it a hundred, you're all that I need for me / from the jump until forever from now, I would ride for you / you got me shot down by love / you got my heart now / I want to stop now / oh I've been knocked down by you / you got my heart now / why won't you stop now? / I've been through it whole / I've been through the worst / but I never knew how much our love could hurt."_  – shot down, khalid

* * *

 

When you tell Beca you landed a job working with animals, she seems shocked.

You can tell because of the way she’s texting. After all, texting is all you guys seem to do nowadays. It’s all the time, non-stop, but it’s still only texting. Occasionally she’ll call you from the apartment she shares with Amy, and she’ll tell you about her day and you’ll tell her about yours, and Amy will cut you guys off just as you feel like filling the silence with a whispered “I love you.”

You never go through with it though, no matter how much you think it or feel it. There comes a time when feelings are too late to be said out loud, so you bottle them up and listen as Beca complains about her manager giving her too much work to do.

You’d never bottled anything up until Beca came into your life.

You tell yourself that whatever these feelings are don’t mean anything. After all, you’ve managed to date a couple of people since graduating with the Bellas 2 years back. You wouldn’t be able to date people if you were hung up on somebody else, right?

Still, it’s too late. It always will be. Beca lives in New York and you’re still in Georgia, and there’s no way either of you will be moving states any time soon. That, and you promised yourself you’d never be in another long-distance relationship again. Not after Tom.

When Aubrey reignites the Bellas group chat with an invitation for drinks next Friday, you check your schedule to see that you have work. You’re ready to ask if you can meet another day when Beca replies, telling the group chat that she’s free all weekend.

You tell them you’re free before you’ve even called your boss.

You meet Beca at the airport, after agreeing on all meeting up at Barden. After all, it has been 2 years exactly since you graduated, so it only makes sense to come back to the place where it all started.

Beca’s still tiny, and she shies away from your hug for a second before she lets herself enjoy it, falling into your embrace with tight arms wrapped around your waist. She still smells like Beca, and her hair has grown since you last saw her, and you’re pretty sure she’s wearing the leather jacket that you gave her in her junior year.

The rest of the Bellas arrive at different times, until you’re all together again in a bar in downtown Atlanta. You’re all dressed in your Bella outfits – for posterity’s sake, Aubrey argued – as you’re talking about your lives.

When Beca excuses herself to go to the bathroom, you immediately get up and tell her you’ll come too. You ignore Amy making comments about the two of you getting it on. After all, you’re used to it now.

You can tell Beca’s tipsy because she’s sorting her hair and her makeup out in the bathroom. It was 6 months after you met Beca that you learned she gets paranoid about her appearance when she’s drunk.

“You look great,” you say. You know you’re not drunk because drunk you gets paranoid over saying things like that, while sober you doesn’t give a shit. After all, it’s your confidence that brought you and Beca so close. You wouldn’t be here today without it.

Beca doesn’t answer you though. She just fixes her hair and wipes her bottom lip with the tip of her finger, even though you’re ninety percent certain there’s nothing there.

“Hey,” you say, poking Beca’s side as you walk over to stand next to her. She looks so good in her Bella uniform. Even better than she did in college. “I said you look great.”

“I do not, my hair is a mess and my breath probably reeks of beer.”

“Nobody can _see_ your bad breath though.”

She rolls her eyes, and she always does that when you make a joke. It always makes you feel like she doesn’t appreciate you, but then she smiles and looks at you in the reflection of the mirror, and you can’t help but smile back.

You stand in silence for a few more moments as she sorts herself out, and you wonder if she notices that you haven’t gone to the toilet. That there was no reason for you to come with her to the restroom. She doesn’t mention it though, which you’re thankful for.

The silence is urging you to say it.

You’re fiddling with the cap of the soap dispenser when she turns to you and asks you if her breath smells. It’s certainly not the most romantic thing she’s ever said to you, but when she leans in and breaths in your face, your heart starts to race.

She tends to do that a lot. Gets close to you and touches you without thinking about what exactly it is she’s doing. You think she picked up that habit from you. It’s like personal space isn’t a thing between you two anymore, no matter how long you go without seeing each other.

As gross as it is, you smell her breath, and yes, it kind of stinks of beer. Normally that would be nasty – you think it actually _is_ nasty – but this is Beca and for some reason she makes anything attractive. Even disgusting beer breath.

She’s close to you. Way too close. So close that you can practically count the specks of light blue in her eyes.

“Is it?” she whispers, breathing on your face again.

It doesn’t ruin the moment, because there was no moment to ruin.

When she moves back, you already miss her.

“Yeah,” you say. “I have breath spray.”

She calls you a life saver and you think that’s ironic, because if that was true, you’d be trying to save your own life right now.

Instead, you let yourself fall. Even though you know nobody will be there to catch you at the bottom.

//

You start to get emotional at around ten, when everyone is talking about the performances you’ve done in the past few years. You know that the Bellas aren’t over, but there’s no way you guys will be singing together again any time soon. Nobody wants old Bellas. After all, Emily is the leader of the new Bellas back at Barden. You can’t take their name back.

But the Bellas are your family, and you really would do anything to be able to sing with them again. To feel the rush of the crowd chanting your name. To feel Beca beside you, hearing her beautiful voice. To put your arm around Aubrey as the two of you harmonize perfectly.

“I would do anything,” you say, putting your glass of whiskey down on the bar, “to sing with you guys again.” You pause, tearing up. “ _Anything._ ”

You promised yourself you wouldn’t cry. It’s not like you’ll never see the girls again.

Aubrey tells you about the USO. About how they hold a concert for the troops, and you guys could totally sing together again if she can get you in. You know not to get your hopes up, but when has Aubrey ever disappointed you?

She gets you in the show. Of course she does. It’s in Paris, and you’re surprised to find that you and Beca are sharing a hotel room. Normally you’d share with Aubrey, but apparently the rooms got mixed up and Aubrey is sharing with Amy.

You’re not complaining.

It was just after graduation when Beca moved in with you temporarily. Amy had managed to cause a fire in their brand new apartment, so they were both homeless until they could get it fixed up again, so you offered your 2 bedroom studio in Atlanta. Beca had already landed a job in New York, but she managed to convince her manager to let her work from home for six months while she waited to be able to move into her apartment.

Amy had already found somebody to stay with. To this day, you’re still not sure who it was that she moved in with for those six months, and part of you doesn’t want to know.

So you’ve lived in a small space with Beca for 6 months, which means you know what she’s like to live with. And even though this was a year and a half ago, Beca’s still the exact same.

She’s messy. She constantly loses her headphones, her laptop is _always_ on, and her clothes manage to get lost in the most random places.

Which is why you’re not surprised when Beca ends up collapsing onto your bed one night. Because practically the entirety of her suitcase is in, over, and under her bed at the other side of the room, and she’s tired and doesn’t feel like moving it all.

“The world is spinning,” she murmurs into your pillow, and you giggle through your drunkenness as you tell her that yes, the world does in fact spin.

She tells you you’re an ass, and you take your jacket off and throw it on the floor.

“We’re in the city of love,” you say, “you need to be nicer to me.”

“City of love,” Beca snorts. “Love is fake and dumb.”

You wonder why she’d say that.

Love is incredible. Love can be the best thing to ever happen to you. Love makes the world spin. Makes the flowers grow. It brings people together and makes people forget the darkness and hatred in the world.

Then again, some love does suck. Especially when the person you love doesn’t love you back.

“You’re not allowed to say that in Paris, Becs,” you say. “The French gods will smite you.”

“Let them,” she says. You’re pretty sure she’s about to pass out drooling on your pillow by the sound of her voice. “Let them smite me in the name of love,” she mumbles. “At least then I won’t have a reason to be in love anymore.”

It takes you all night to sober up, and all night to forget that she had said that.

//

The Bellas last performance is emotional.

You cry at least six times before you even get on stage. You’re pretty sure Cynthia Rose is crying too, but mostly because the band on stage are all beautiful, and have amazing voices, and you really wish you didn’t have to compete against incredible – _beautiful, talented_ – women like them.

Your outfits are ridiculous, but then again, they always are. It’s what makes the Bellas so unique. Flight attendant uniforms, sailor outfits, army themed clothes. It’s all ridiculous.

Beca looks beautiful as always though, and you have your traditional “1, 2, 3, Bellas for life” moment before you get on stage.

You’re tearing up before you even start singing, but you manage to keep it in. Even when Beca performs her solo. You keep it together throughout the whole performance, all the way up until you get off stage to go get your bottle of water.

Aubrey notices you first, which you’re disappointed about. You desperately wanted Beca to notice you. To see that you’re not okay.

“Chlo,” Aubrey says, putting a hand on your back. “You alright?”

“No,” you say. You’ve never been able to lie to Aubrey.

“Did Beca do something?”

It’s not fair, how she automatically thinks it’s Beca’s fault that you’re upset. So you shake your head, but she can sense that something else is wrong. Something that has nothing to do with the set you just performed.

She tells you that you can talk to her, and she’s hugging you before your first sob escapes your mouth. Aubrey’s bare shoulders are warm and coated with sweat, but you bury your head into her neck and let yourself cry, because you’ve been holding this in for so long. It doesn’t surprise you that this is all coming out now, when you’re with the Bellas again.

It certainly doesn’t help when Beca comes up and asks you if you’re okay.

Aubrey tells her to go away, and Beca argues back, saying that you’re her best friend and she wants to see if you’re okay and if you need anything, and it only makes things worse. You work up the courage to face her though, because you’re not sure how much longer you can keep this in. It’s not healthy for you, and you’ve always prided yourself on being as healthy as you can.

Beca hugs you when Aubrey leaves. One of the few hugs that Beca has actually initiated, and it still doesn’t feel like enough.

“You’re ruining the makeup I spent so long on, Beale,” she says, and you laugh through your tears because no matter how sad you are, she always finds a way to make you smile.

Her arms are around your waist like in your final duet, and she tucks a piece of hair behind your ear and she’s asking you if you need anything.

 _You_ , you think. _I need you_.

You wonder if it’s still too late. If you can just say it now and get it over with. Surely if Beca didn’t feel the same, she wouldn’t make a huge deal out of it. She’d let you down easy and everything would be okay.

Maybe that’s what you’re afraid of.

Your mother always told you that you can’t always get what you want though. You just have to hope that things go your way, and if they don’t then you have to accept it. It’s on the tip of your tongue. You’re not sure what it is, but it feels like _something_. A declaration of love? An apology? An excuse?

Beca takes you to the restroom to clean up, and you sit on the counter in between two sinks as she goes to fetch some tissue.

“Here,” she says, wetting the tissue. She brings it up to your eye, and it’s cold as she gently wipes away the stained mascara.

She’s so soft. The way she cups your cheek as she wipes away your tears. The way her eyes roam over your face with every stroke, and how she asks you if you’re okay and if you need anything when you sniffle every now and again.

There’s no small talk, which you’re surprised about. Normally Beca likes to fill in the silence with something, but now all she’s concentrating on is making sure you’re okay.

You’re not sure if you deserve her.

You think back to graduation. How she cried into your shoulder at the thought of not being able to find a secure job now that you have to face the real world. And you think about her now, and how you’re so proud of how far she’s come. Even if she did quit – or get fired, you’re still not sure – you’re so proud of her, and you always will be.

“You don’t have to do this,” you whisper, and she moves the tissue away, but she doesn’t move her other hand from your face. She strokes her thumb over your cheekbone and you shiver.

She’s never touched you like this.

“I want to,” she says. “We don’t want you looking like this when we win, do we?”

It’s lighthearted and awkward and so Beca.

“I don’t care if we win,” you close your eyes, resting your hands on your lap. “I just wanted to be able to sing with you – with the Bellas again.”

“And here I thought you were wanting to break into the music industry. Become the next Bieber.”

You smile.

A sigh.

“I’m not as talented as you.”

“Shut up,” she says, wetting another piece of tissue and continuing to wipe the bottom of your eye.

“I’m serious, Becs. You’re so talented.”

“And what are you?”

_In love with you._

“I’m okay.”

“Are you sure?”

You don’t expect that question. You’re not sure if you’re okay, and you’re not surprised she’s noticed.

“I’m just sad that this is it.”

“You said that at graduation. This isn’t the end, Chlo.”

“It feels like it.”

She asks you why, and it takes a while for you to muster up a response because you’re scared you’re going to start crying again, and you don’t want to ruin her work.

“You’re moving back to New York and we won’t see each other again for months.”

She frowns. “Suddenly I don’t think this is about the Bellas.”

She knows. She has to. There’s no way she can be that naïve.

“I don’t want us to go back to just texting again,” you say. You don’t realize that you’ve started to pick at a loose thread on your skirt. “I miss you too much. I always miss you.”

Beca sighs, her head tilting to the side.

“I’m with you, Chlo,” she says. “I may be in another state but you know you always have me if you need me.”

Your bottom lip trembles.

“Not in the way I want you,” you whisper.

“Chloe–”

“–Forget I said that,” you interrupt. “Just carry on making me look beautiful.”

She lets her hands fall to the side, and you don’t realize she’s put her hand on yours until you finally open your eyes – you’re not sure when you closed them – and she’s staring at you with something in her eyes that you’ve never seen before.

“You’re already beautiful,” she says. “You don’t need me to help you with that.”

You give her a small smile. A smile that you’re not used to giving. A smile that shows that you’re ready for whatever disappointment she’s about to throw at you.

Only, the disappointment doesn’t come.

She’s on her tiptoes, kissing the corner of your mouth tentatively – once, twice, three times – and you’re too shocked to even do anything about it. Not until she pulls back and apologizes, and she lets go of your hand and then you’re on your feet immediately.

You realize now that the look she gave you was unfamiliar because you’ve never been aware of it before.

It was the look of being in love.

You know because when you tilt your head and kiss her, properly this time, she kisses you back with the same feeling.

And you’re not sure where you’ll go after this, but if being a Bella taught you anything, it’s that there’s no point in thinking about the future when the present is right here. After all, you only experience things one time.

Kissing Beca is an experience that you’re positive you’ll never forget.


End file.
